Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Doors and walls

Matt and I have been hard at work on the attic and basement this week, shifting, sorting, tossing, and shifting some more. We are in that painful stage of any move--opening boxes left closed for our five years in this house, and realizing yet again there are treasures with which we can't yet bear to part. (For someone who complained regularly about the lack of documentation of my life, there are more boxes of photographs than my friend and Creative Memories consultant, Melanie, would know what to do with!) Today I was scaling back my college papers. Because I work in the field of my graduate studies, these papers and notes have been with me at work, and I sifted these down to pure essentials a couple of years ago. For some reason, the college work seems a bit more difficult to recycle--it ties me to a time when my mother was alive, and then not, and I want to read every word to see what hints I left of a life with her in it. While many syllabi and professors' notes are quick to the bin, there is one professor--a scholar of poetry, in particular, and my thesis advisor--whose words I have yet again packed for the move. I offer these wise words from the poet and professor himself:

The Trick of the Architect

The difficulty with life is
Not that the doors opening up into things
Are too little to pass through,
But that they're so massive
We think them the walls.

Jene Erick Beardsley


Grampa Peter said...

I remember driving down to be there when you (and others) spoke about your theses. The cacophony of emotions, pride, gratitude, a sense of emptiness that Mom wasn't with us, a feeling of helplessness that I couldn't ease your pain...You are a person, who has throughout your life been instrumental in helping turn walls of despair into windows of hope...(as is Matt, and Auntie Heather)...

Carmen San Diego said...

I'm sorry you are missing your mom but know she is looking down on you now and is probably very happy with you life and the way you live it.

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Sue Sehulster said...

More often than not it was difficult to appreciate Mr. Bearsley while taking his courses, wasn't it? Yeats' Cone ... what the heck??!! But now -- despite his quirks -- his poetry makes a lot of beautiful sense. I'm glad you shared that poem - I'm going to print it out and put it on my fridge, so when I look at these "walls of boxes" in my new home, I'll not see them as overwhelming barriers but as doors to our new life here. I needed to hear that today - thanks!

We're in ... a tough transition ... lots of tears and uncertainty ... more boxes than I can count ... overwhelming & exhausting beyond belief ... but GOOD. Email not working yet but our phone is. Having gone through this, I will pray for MERCY - for an easier time for you, that your transition will be peaceful. Keep walking through those doors and you'll be fine. More later!!